I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
