i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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