I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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