I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
