I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i now understand why vodka
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
