Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
