That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
