Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
