Small penises have feelings too.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
