I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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