Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
