The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
