there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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