i don't want you to think of me as your TA
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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