Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
