My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
