I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
