My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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