I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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