i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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