Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
