WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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