I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
