Joe is yelling at the trees again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
