69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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