Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
