i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
