I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
