I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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