I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my phone needs a breathalizer
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
did i just pee glitter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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