i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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