talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
