The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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