i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
