I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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