do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
