so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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