she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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