He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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