Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
