apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
