We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
