i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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