dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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