Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And then my night got REAL pukey
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
