there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my shit smells like andre
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
