i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The adults are the big ones right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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