My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize