Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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