Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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