He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
