she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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