chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm too high and old for this...
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