I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
