Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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