clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
